The Future of TV Shows -- The Colbearinator

Television will change dramatically in the future. It will be more like Computervision rather than television. One of the biggest advances will be software robots instead of real live performers as talent. Coupled with superfast 3-D rendering, TV shows can be produced, and modified on the fly without any humans in front of the camera.

Take the Colbert Report and Stephen Colbert. Suppose one day, Stephen has hang-nail, and he is convinced that it ruins his whole on-stage aura. He refuses to come out and enlighten America about big bears. Cable studio moguls are delighted. They do not have to pay his salary for this show. They boot up a software robot called the Col-Bearinator (or if you are Faux News, it is spelled the Colbearinator, because the on-air talking heads would pronounce it ColDashBearInAtor).

Then the producer would google a pile Colbertisms from the web, feed them into the Colbearinator, add some vicious sea-gulls and eagles and voila- the software robot would produce a show and Stephen could nurse his hang-nail and be jealous of the performance of the Colbearinator.

He would get so jealous, that he would sue the Colbearinator, however the Colbearinator would win because seagulls have never appeared on the Colbert Report. The Hitler Cats, or Kitlers would testify to that. Then because the Colbearinator is programmed software, the monies won by the Colbearinator in court would be handed back to the evil cable moguls.

Congress would then take note and pass Equal Opportunity laws for Colbearinators. There would also be a minimum wage law for Colbearinators, except in Arizona, where Colbearinators are not welcome. They would be shipped back to India, where most of the world's software is written. The Colbearinators will come of age, when Obama nominates one to the Supreme Court. The Tea Party will refer to the Colbearinators as Colbeariniggers.

Not only will software robot actors have the ability to work without humans, but web cams will monitor the viewers and change the program content on the fly. For example, if the screen detects that the viewers eyeballs rest on the evil seagulls for an inordinate period of time, the Colbearinator will change the ending to mimic Alfred Hitchcock's "The Birds" where a huge flock mobs the bear and tears it apart.

While this may be satisfying for the viewer, he can't really go to work the next day, and around the ozonated water cooler say "Did you see the Colbert Report last night?". Someone else will say "Yes, I loved it how the bear breast-fed the Kitlers", and you realize that the Colbearinator created a whole different show for someone else. Oh Brave New World!

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