How To Stop Muslim Terrorists Effectively and Inexpensively

I went on a business trip on Thursday morning to Freeport that was supposed to last a few hours. Instead of returning home Thursday night, I had to stay over. I washed out my underwear and socks in the sink. Thank goodness I brought a spare shirt.


Friday night came and I still wasn't getting any closer to Nassau. I bought a shirt and socks and underwear. In the hotel room, I watched CNN. One of the stories was that Islam fundamentalists were building a mosque in Pakistan.



Anti- fundamentalists threw a decapitated pig into the grounds, desecrating the mosque. Riots ensued. People were killed. The name of the town where this happened is appropriately named Mysore.




How is this relevant to me in the tropics? Tonight, I had to go through airport security. I even had to remove my shoes, because the .20 Euro pieces in my penny loafers were causing the metal detector to buzz. I got to thinking that all of these measures were in place because Muslim fundamental terrorists try to blow up themselves and airplanes to kingdom come.




I immediately thought of a cheaper way to protect airports and airplanes from muslim terrorists. I had read that Muslims avoid pigs even more than Jews. Jews do not eat pig. Muslims do not even touch them. It was said that the chief hijacker of September 11th was so devout, that he did not even eat Jello for fear of consuming pork by-products.




So here is the plan how to make airports safe from muslim attack, and not having to do expensive screening. The idea is simplicity in itself. Everyone has to queue up and swear on a slab of bacon that they are not a terrorist. The fundamentalists would not even touch the pig for fear of not going to heaven when they detonated the bomb strapped to them.









As you can see from the above illustration, this plan is highly workable. And the benefit is that your hands can flavour the cardboard tasting peanuts that they give you on the aircraft. The only fly in the oinkment, is the possibility of swine flu. But I am working on that.

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