Butchering the Queen's English

I am always amazed at the level of illiteracy in these islands. When this country achieved independence from Great Britain thirty some years ago, the government minister responsible for immigration sent many white teachers packing home and replaced them with native, unqualified teachers who spoke a local patois.

As a result, there are two generations who never learned to speak English properly and who know nothing about the rules of grammar and how to apply them in day-to-day communications. The government recognises that illiteracy is a problem, however trying to fix it, is like trying to empty the ocean with a teaspoon.

On a local forum, I picked up the following online conversation. I have put the translation below each posting entry:

Any Fruit Trees Bearin yet?
Just wanna make sure so i dont have to buss down no one fa dey frozen fruit when i reach Nassau town.

Are there any fruit trees bearing fruit yet. I want to make sure that fruit is available so that I do not have to bust down anyone for their frozen fruit when I get to Nassau town.

saw sum mangoes and cherries hangin. wonda where i cud get dem big mangoes from not da small hairy set

I saw some mangos and cherries ripening. I wonder where I could obtain some big mangos. I do not like the small fibrous ones.

Well the mangra trees laden down in Nassau. Only ting is when dey ripe ya gatteee get to them before the jonsers do, cause all of dem will be selling mangoes on the side of the road. I een see no guinep yet though. Cherries are in season but the ones I had they were so small, and the seagrape tree is hang to the ground with baby seagrapes. I had the pleasure of eating a marmee the other day. It was delicious. Tamarind in season to.

Well the mango trees are heavily laden with fruit in Nassau. However, when the fruit is ripe, you must pick them before the thieves do. They steal your fruit and sell it on the roadside. I haven't seen any ripe guinep yet. (Barbados Cherries) Cherries are in season, but the cherries that I had were small. The seagrape tree hangs low with unripe fruit. I had the pleasure of eating a mamey (Cuban Mamey) yesterday. It was delicious. Taramind is also in season as well.

I hates all a yinna who eaten mangra and guinep and seagrape while I still waitin fa da cole ta officially end!

I hate you people who eat mango, guinep and seagrape while I am still waiting for the winter cold spell to officially end.

all three a my mango trees hangin.. but there's no rain for them to fill out and they all droppin before it could happen

All three of my mango trees are bearing fruit. However, there is not enough rain for them to ripen, and they wither and drop from the tree before ripening.

we need some rain real bad on this side of the town, forest fire burning all day , i am surprised no house has burnt down.

We need some rain badly on this side of town. A forest fire was burning all day. I am surprised that there were not any houses that burned down.

So as you kin seen, een no langridge problum heah. Grammar rules -- except that my grammar done died tree years ago. She wuz in her nineties.

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